When I first heard that Timbaland was collaborating with Duran Duran on their new album, I was overjoyed. What could be better than pairing the dance-floor kings of the eighties and the noughties together? Duran Duran, authors of such pop masterpieces as “Rio,” “Save a Prayer” and “Girls on Film,” have obviously influenced Timbaland — all you have to do is compare their 1982 hit “Hungry Like the Wolf” to the Timbaland-produced “SexyBack” to see how their classic muscular, bass-heavy sound is the eighties equivalent of Timbaland’s now ubiquitous production style. As for Timbaland, well he’s exactly the kind of big-name producer who can throw the New Wave veterans back up the charts after two decades in the wilderness.
Well, I’ve got some sad news to report: the result is a real disappointment, an unfocused, garish mess of an album that once and for all labels Duran Duran as has-beens whose time in the spotlight should have ended long ago. And the problem with the record? Well, it’s very simple: “Red Carpet Massacre” doesn’t really sound like a collaboration at all. In fact it sounds more like a mistake, like two totally different albums that got spliced together in the factory.
The first of these two is filled with slushy, bland pop/rock numbers, and it’s awful: a one-star disaster if ever I heard one. The only clue that this offensive shlock has anything to do with the Duran Duran of yesteryear is the fact that we still have Simon LeBon’s instantly identifiable vocals, as well as his absurdly cryptic lyrics – if you can work out what “At the sharp end of the view / the edge of me and you / and all good sense that tread no further / And the ghost will shiver trees” means, I’ll pay you a fortune.
Otherwise though, this sounds nothing like the sleek, irresistibly stylish synth-pop that made the band’s name. In fact, most of these songs are the antithesis to everything that made Duran Duran successful in the first place: a band that’s known for its pumping, bass-heavy dance tracks instead decides to inundate us with flaccid, over-produced mid-tempo rock. The most conspicuous examples of this trend include the woeful “Box Full O’ Honey,” with its sterile, faux-acoustic production and cavity-inducing chorus, and the even cheesier “She’s Too Much,” with its Westlife-style harmonies.
Almost as bad is the first single off the album, the plodding, leaden “Falling Down” — sure, the chiming U2-style guitar riffs give the song a nice texture, but the song’s sole hook is repeated ad-infinitum, and the whole thing’s a painfully obvious rip-off of their early-nineties hit “Ordinary World.” What makes it worse is the misleading ‘feat. Justin Timberlake’ tagged onto the end of the song, which set my hopes way too high. Sadly, this sounds nothing like the stylish electropop of Timberlake, unless his next career move is to become the new John Mayer.
What does sound a lot more like Justin Timberlake is the other album here, which we’ll call, for the sake of clarity, the “Timbaland half.” Sadly, this half sounds just as little like Duran Duran as the other half — you can dance to it, true, but it sounds a lot more like the deranged dance-pop of Britney Spears, or any other Timbaland production for that matter.
Take the lurid, club-ready “Skin Divers,” for instance: not only does Timbaland rap over most of the song, but with its squelching synths and fuzzy beats it would have sounded much more at home on Timbaland’s recent “Shock Value” than here. The same goes for the effortlessly stylish neo-disco of “Nite Runner,” which is easily the album’s best song — except it sounds absolutely nothing like Duran Duran. So even though these songs are way better than the insipid crapola that infests the rest of the record, they sound like Duran Duran are guesting on their own album, providing a few vocals here and there while Timbaland does all the work.
Only on a couple of songs is any kind of happy medium found. The opening “The Valley” raises false hopes as it seamlessly marries a superb Duran Duran bass-line to Timbaland’s trademark percussion style. Sure, the lyrics are a total mystery, but at least it sounds like band and producer are working together without overwhelming each other. The only other song which actually sounds like a collaboration is the synth-heavy “Tempted” — sadly, it doesn’t live up to its own potential, opening with an infectious verse melody but totally falling apart at the chorus, with LeBon sneering “How much do you want to?” like a leering rapist.
On these songs, you get a little glimpse of how brilliant Red Carpet Massacre might have been. The actual album, however, is a dispiriting mess that’s all over the place stylistically and leaves me convinced of two things. First off, Timbaland’s spreading himself too thin, and has started developing a by-the-numbers sound which he just lazily grafts onto songs. If you take out the vocals, “Skin Divers” sounds exactly like “Gimme More,” while the “Nite Runner” beat sounds a lot like “SexyBack,” and that’s a worrying sign. At the moment, the Timbaland sound still sounds cool, but considering he’s got a packed year ahead, working with everyone from Stevie Wonder to Madonna, he’d better start developing his style soon or it’ll get boring.
More important though, is what happens when Timbaland’s not there, because on the evidence of this album, when Duran Duran are left to their own devices the results are dreadful. Gone is the sleek pop genius of yesteryear, replaced by a wishy washy pop/rock style that sounds like bargain bin Barry Manilow. Conclusion? Go buy “Rio,” the band’s 1982 masterpiece, and leave “Red Carpet Massacre” well alone.
"Red Carpet Massacre released 13 November, 2007 on Epic Records.
Images courtesy of Epic Records and Empire Online.
Published in the Daily Princetonian.
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